Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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