Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
