just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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