Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
