i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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