Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
