I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
