CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
