Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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