my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could fuck to npr.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
