You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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