just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im holly from the hills drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
