sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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