I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
