I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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