I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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