i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
