Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
