There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Apparently you make a good broom.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
