I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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