ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are