Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
