If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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