so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
