nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
