piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
