There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
