you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
