guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
