I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mom said you looked used
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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