Sry I called you an 8
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
