I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hippo gnu deer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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