found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize