I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
