i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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