my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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