take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
