addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
