just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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