Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You made out with two different species that night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You left your phone here
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