The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
