Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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