We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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