I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
