Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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