4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize