I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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