I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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