Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
