Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
