Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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