I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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