After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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