i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
