Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
