I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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