I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
