Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
