i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
