even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
