if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
