how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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