she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
