I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I touched a dick in church today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
