The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
