Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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