Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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