i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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