First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize