Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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