When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't put those talents on a resume
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
